Being the grammar fanatic that I am, I have recently become troubled over the impending holiday. New Year's Eve. Now, I am quite certain that [New Year's Eve] is the correct grammatical usage of the 's....however, the all-encompassing term 'New Year's' doesn't seem to be right. Seeing as it isn't specifying anything, should the blanket term be "New Years" or "New Year's"??
You can see that I have very little else to think about.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Week Before Christmas
Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings weren’t hung * and the chimneys were bare
And noone expected St Nick to be there
My dad and Theresa all snug in their beds
At 7 at night, all pyjamaed and fed
And the cat on my pillow, and I at the desk
Were still wide awake, no time for a rest
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
It must be the neighbour, who fell off his ladder
Away to the window I flew like a bird,
If the neighbour was hurt, he hadn’t uttered a word
The streetlights, they shone on the rain on the road
Makes one think of oil, or grease on a toad**
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a very small child, just a quaking with fear
Holding tight to their papers, their music, I saw
I knew they must have encountered my ‘Pa
Not asleep, as I thought, but downstairs by the door
Caused the carolers’ jaws to drop to the floor
More rapid than eagles his curses they came
And he whistled and shouted, and called them some names
“Hey you there, the short one, and fat kid, and you!
Hey pansy-boy, singer-girl, Fluffy, and Boo.
Get off of my porch, get out of my hall
Now run away, run away, run away, all…”
The children took off, and my dad went upstairs
I went to my desk, and sat down on the chair
To ponder this Christmas, a different sort
No lights, a small tree, no snow for a fort…
My presents are wrapped, by the closet, with care
In hopes that some spirit might fix all disrepair
So in secret I sit, with a radio tuner
And hope carols might make Christmas come sooner….
Guess what, guys…Christmas is in 7 days. Aren’t you excited?
* They aren’t hung because WE DON’T HAVE ANY
** Haven’t YOU ever seen a greasy toad? You’re missing out.
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings weren’t hung * and the chimneys were bare
And noone expected St Nick to be there
My dad and Theresa all snug in their beds
At 7 at night, all pyjamaed and fed
And the cat on my pillow, and I at the desk
Were still wide awake, no time for a rest
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
It must be the neighbour, who fell off his ladder
Away to the window I flew like a bird,
If the neighbour was hurt, he hadn’t uttered a word
The streetlights, they shone on the rain on the road
Makes one think of oil, or grease on a toad**
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a very small child, just a quaking with fear
Holding tight to their papers, their music, I saw
I knew they must have encountered my ‘Pa
Not asleep, as I thought, but downstairs by the door
Caused the carolers’ jaws to drop to the floor
More rapid than eagles his curses they came
And he whistled and shouted, and called them some names
“Hey you there, the short one, and fat kid, and you!
Hey pansy-boy, singer-girl, Fluffy, and Boo.
Get off of my porch, get out of my hall
Now run away, run away, run away, all…”
The children took off, and my dad went upstairs
I went to my desk, and sat down on the chair
To ponder this Christmas, a different sort
No lights, a small tree, no snow for a fort…
My presents are wrapped, by the closet, with care
In hopes that some spirit might fix all disrepair
So in secret I sit, with a radio tuner
And hope carols might make Christmas come sooner….
Guess what, guys…Christmas is in 7 days. Aren’t you excited?
* They aren’t hung because WE DON’T HAVE ANY
** Haven’t YOU ever seen a greasy toad? You’re missing out.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Oh Bother
So, I'm halfway finished* my finals, and let me tell you, am I relieved. I can now promptly forget everything I ever learned about linguistics, and instead focus on studying for my big bad psych final. This thing is worth 50% of my final grade...talk about pressure.
I have realized that everything my high school teachers told me about university was true.
1. People really aren't that friendly
2. Your grades will drop by 10%
3. Professors "aren't half as understanding as we are."
4. A university student's budget is never as expected.
As proof for these four statements, let the anecdotes begin.
1. People aren't that friendly:
As some of you know, there is a small roundabout** by my house. This roundabout provides a whole lot of problems for people who do not understand the concept of "right of way". For example: if a car is travelling around the roundabout, it is inappropriate for them to stop in the centre and motion for another car to go. This is proper roundabout etiquette.
So, today, as I am coming home from my exam, I proceed around the roundabout at the snail's speed of 30 km an hour. As I make my final wheel turn, an old man carrying an umbrella jumps off the curb 4 feet away from my car. Quickly checking my rearview mirror to prevent a pile-up, I slam on the brakes and honk (this spry old man saw me, made eye contact, and nearly got hit by a slow-moving car). He then proceeded to swear quite loudly (I had the windows rolled up), and make threatening motions with his umbrella. Then it gets interesting.
As I pull slowly out of the roundabout (20 km this time, as I'm a little shaken up) the man BEGINS TO CHASE ME....
He is waving his umbrella and chasing me down the road.
I speed up a little, frightened of the umbrella-wielding capacity of this man...and look in my rearview mirror.
He is standing in the middle of the road, umbrella at his feet, proudly giving me the bird with both hands.
Why are people so grumpy?
2. Your grades will drop by ten percent:
Enough said. My marks have dropped by ten percent.
3. Teachers aren't sympathetic:
So, our end of class assignment in history was due two weeks ago, and it was five questions on a scantron sheet. I knew all the right answers, and got zero on the assignment. The reason? I filled in scantron bubbles 2 through 6 instead of 1 through 5. The prof claimed to be too busy to mark any of them by hand, so my simple mistake ended in a 0% grade for me.
Hm. I think I prefer highschool.
4. A student's budget is never what it seems:
I drove to school today for my exam, and I had to park...for 2 hours. Those two hours cost me $8.00...lunch for 2 days, or coffee for 4 days...or...or...a whole lot of other things.
And then it only took 45 minutes to write my exam.
Stupid parking.
* by halfway finished, I mean that one of my two exams are over.
** note: a circle in the road that replaced four stop signs...ask the government
I have realized that everything my high school teachers told me about university was true.
1. People really aren't that friendly
2. Your grades will drop by 10%
3. Professors "aren't half as understanding as we are."
4. A university student's budget is never as expected.
As proof for these four statements, let the anecdotes begin.
1. People aren't that friendly:
As some of you know, there is a small roundabout** by my house. This roundabout provides a whole lot of problems for people who do not understand the concept of "right of way". For example: if a car is travelling around the roundabout, it is inappropriate for them to stop in the centre and motion for another car to go. This is proper roundabout etiquette.
So, today, as I am coming home from my exam, I proceed around the roundabout at the snail's speed of 30 km an hour. As I make my final wheel turn, an old man carrying an umbrella jumps off the curb 4 feet away from my car. Quickly checking my rearview mirror to prevent a pile-up, I slam on the brakes and honk (this spry old man saw me, made eye contact, and nearly got hit by a slow-moving car). He then proceeded to swear quite loudly (I had the windows rolled up), and make threatening motions with his umbrella. Then it gets interesting.
As I pull slowly out of the roundabout (20 km this time, as I'm a little shaken up) the man BEGINS TO CHASE ME....
He is waving his umbrella and chasing me down the road.
I speed up a little, frightened of the umbrella-wielding capacity of this man...and look in my rearview mirror.
He is standing in the middle of the road, umbrella at his feet, proudly giving me the bird with both hands.
Why are people so grumpy?
2. Your grades will drop by ten percent:
Enough said. My marks have dropped by ten percent.
3. Teachers aren't sympathetic:
So, our end of class assignment in history was due two weeks ago, and it was five questions on a scantron sheet. I knew all the right answers, and got zero on the assignment. The reason? I filled in scantron bubbles 2 through 6 instead of 1 through 5. The prof claimed to be too busy to mark any of them by hand, so my simple mistake ended in a 0% grade for me.
Hm. I think I prefer highschool.
4. A student's budget is never what it seems:
I drove to school today for my exam, and I had to park...for 2 hours. Those two hours cost me $8.00...lunch for 2 days, or coffee for 4 days...or...or...a whole lot of other things.
And then it only took 45 minutes to write my exam.
Stupid parking.
* by halfway finished, I mean that one of my two exams are over.
** note: a circle in the road that replaced four stop signs...ask the government
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Pampered Princess
So, it has come to my attention that there are quite a few girls out there that do not know how to pump their own gas. This suprised me, as I have been pumping gas since my first driver's ed lesson. Anyways, I pull into a gas station on Monday night, and to my utter shock, it is a full-serve gas station. Meaning I don't need to get out of my car. So I sit there. The attendant comes by, knocks on my window. Step 1: Roll down your window.
I ask him to fill the tank half full. He says he can't do that, because he can't see my gas meter. Step 2: Gas attendants aren't psychic.
I settle on $20 worth of gas. He can do that.
"Uh, miss, I need you to open the gas tank." Step 3: Open the gas tank
"You have to turn off the car first." Step 4: Turn off the car.
So, the rest of the filling goes off without a hitch...my tank gets half full, and I only have to spend $20. So, I hand him my debit card. He walks away with it. I wait. 5 minutes later, he sticks his head out of the gas cubicle thinger, and motions frantically to me. So, I get out of the car, and walk towards him.
"It's not a credit card...you have to come in here and, you know, type in your password and stuff."
Step 5: A debit card is not a credit card.
Maybe I'll stick to pumping my own gas.
I ask him to fill the tank half full. He says he can't do that, because he can't see my gas meter. Step 2: Gas attendants aren't psychic.
I settle on $20 worth of gas. He can do that.
"Uh, miss, I need you to open the gas tank." Step 3: Open the gas tank
"You have to turn off the car first." Step 4: Turn off the car.
So, the rest of the filling goes off without a hitch...my tank gets half full, and I only have to spend $20. So, I hand him my debit card. He walks away with it. I wait. 5 minutes later, he sticks his head out of the gas cubicle thinger, and motions frantically to me. So, I get out of the car, and walk towards him.
"It's not a credit card...you have to come in here and, you know, type in your password and stuff."
Step 5: A debit card is not a credit card.
Maybe I'll stick to pumping my own gas.
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